All about Me!

I am definately on the happy side of 50 and I am very very lucky to have such understanding and loving partners.

Kirsti first surfaced many, many years ago. I didn’t know her name then, I didn’t even know what she was or what I was, only that it was relaxing to dress in feminine clothing, mainly the undies. Do you remember the first time you felt the smooth coolness of sheer nylon caressing your skin? I certainly do for that first sensation set me on this long journey through the land of Transvestism. I was in my early teens when I first had the urge to try on a pair of stockings. The memory of that sunny summer afternoon can still send shivers of delight through me. I make no excuse that yes it was a sexual thrill and high at first but that did wear off quite quickly. I used to wear my sister’s things and I liked, no I loved, the sensation of smooth nylon on my skin.

I joined the RAF and this girl I buried deep, so deep I was convinced that I would never see her again. I got married to my first wife and one night when we returned from a party she suggested that she dress me in her clothing. I had forgotten about the past and when she had finished I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a man dressed fairly convincingly, but nothing else. In fact I thought I looked stupid. The odd thing was that some times after that I would want to dress in undies, but it wasn’t a great need on my part and my wife didn’t like it one little bit.

After we divorced and I came back to Scotland. I dabbled in dressing but it didn’t seem to do anything for me, maybe it was because I was alone and found it hard to make friends. Then I met this wonderful woman who became my wife, and things started happening that I didn’t expect. First of all I was lucky in the fact that she liked, and still does like, wearing stockings and I liked finding an excuse to wear stockings when playing our love games. I think she had a good idea fairly early on there was something more to it than just a fetish thing, after all how many women are wooed with stockings and undies and not chocolates and flowers?

Kirsti made her appearance in our relationship gradually, I suppose the fact is I knew that she would, even though I had suppressed her deeply for about 25 years. All I know is that one day I felt a tap on the shoulder and a small voice whisper in my ear "I’m back honey!" I can still feel the cold shiver down my spine and I can tell you exactly where it happened and what the time was. I just knew that I would, eventually, have to come out into the open. Every time I looked in the mirror or saw the reflection in a shop window she was there, just behind me. It was last year that I decided that I just had to let Kirsti break free, Through the 'net' I have been lucky enough to find many like minded people, some of them are now very dear to me, and it was a great relief to find that not only was I surrounded by many many lovely girls but that we all offer support to whoever needs it and without demanding anything in return - surely that is true love!! This was after spending hours on the net talking to other TV/TG’s it was a great relief to find that I was not a ‘freak’ and that I was sane after all, and so I took a very deep breath and told this wonderful woman I live with about Kirsti and me, it was like telling her that I had committed adultery. I told her that I had ordered a wig and shoes and that there could be no turning back.

Two things happened. She took it quite calmly, or she appeared to, and was very much relieved to find out what had been keeping me at the computer for hours on end. We then talked about Kirsti and when I looked in the mirror Kirsti wasn’t standing there, I knew then that Kirsti was inside me for ever and that she is me and I her.

I was elated when we went on the first shopping trip! I didn’t feel self conscious as we went round the shops and made the purchases, undies, skirts, tops, blouses and makeup. I think the crowning glory for me was when she gave me one of her own blouses and said that she thought Kirsti would look better in it!!!

From there on we progressed as two close girlfriends, as well as lovers, and happily go on shopping trips advising and suggesting to each other or more likely I was being told to behave and pick something more suitable, Kirsti was finding it hard to leave the 60’s but then she was still on a steep learning curve.

Early in 1998 we were going to visit two of my very close TV friends and I was dreading it. I was dreading that someone may say something about my relationship with one of them. It was a Saturday morning, we were lying in bed, and I just blurted out ‘I am bi-sexual’ The silence was deafening and then the tears and the heartbreaking sobs engulfed me. My poor love, what had I done to her? What would happen to us? I waited in terror for her to say something, do something, anything. When I looked into her eyes all I saw was incomprehension, and I just wanted to die. I regretted it, at the time, as soon as I had spoken. I felt so low, so dirty, so deceitful. I wanted to hug her but I was pushed away, for the first time in our life together she was rejecting me. That did hurt.

When things had calmed down we talked and talked and then cuddled and held on to each other for dear life. I was truly shocked when she said that she had some idea and was angry and very hurt that I had kept quiet and even lied to her. I had thought that if I say nothing then she wouldn’t know, how stupid can one be???

It has been hard for both of us. I know I have hurt her deeply and I will be eternally sorry for it. I also know that, in it’s own way, it has brought us a lot closer together. She has been and is still very supportive. She is always ready to listen not only to my moans and worries and fears but was insistent that we should help any other ‘girl’ who finds herself lost and afraid, confused or just so lonely, even if it is no more than just listening at the other end of the phone and never condemning or being judgmental. This from a woman who is visually impaired, lost her job because of it and is now studying for her degree in Social Sciences, she makes me very humble and Oh so PROUD!!!

And Kirsti?

Well a Iot of things have changed. First of all in April 2000 she started a new life , and a new job, in Wild and Woolly Wales. Yes she has grown in many ways, but she still likes to act daft at times. An other new vista opened up to her when she discovered her Dominant tendancies. The upshot of that was she soon discovered that she was the proud owner of a very obedient, but very confident.slave and you can believe Kirsti is enjoying herself

What of the future? Well she made many many new and true friends. Sadly she has lost one or two old ones but that is life - ever changing. She has watched as two very close friends have found thier true selves, and like the caterpillar, shed their old and are now both beautiful complete women. She still has the desire to help and encourage others in their quest for happiness on the scene. One thing of the future she is certain off. For her friends who may get lost slightly she will always be there, waiting and willing to give what help and comfort she can. As she says she will always be here and the one phrase that will never pass her lips is: "I told you so." The only phrases they will hear are: "I love you!" and "How can I help?"

"The torch will always burn brightly"